The final blog post for our National Adoption Month campaign is a powerful interview between Emma Porter, LifeDesign Maternity Counselor, who works with mothers considering adoption, and Kristina, a birth mother.  

In the video Kristina walks through her journey of placement and busts some of the myths associated with birth mothers. Kristina’s story is a testament as to why open adoption is a blessing to both the child, adoptive family, and the birth parents. 

We recognize that not all adoptive families have the same experience with their birth parents, and some do not have an open adoption at all. But, we want to encourage you to listen to Kristina’s story as she shares her heart behind her why of placement and how Buckner’s maternity services helped her heal and overcome her battles.  

Kristina is a 46-year-old mom of six who placed her child for adoption with Buckner in 2020. When she found out she was pregnant she was shocked. She thought she was done having kids and knew she did not have the resources or ability to care for a baby. 

After contemplating abortion and even showing up six times to a clinic, she knew she couldn’t go through with an abortion, so adoption sounded like a feasible option for her. She was immediately put into contact with Emma, a LifeDesign Maternity Counselor at Buckner, and they began working through her options.  

“A peace came over me. I was still nervous and in shock and didn't know how it was all going to work out, but a peace came over me that everything was going to be okay. And even though I didn't have all of the pieces put into place, I felt that God was literally right there beside me and walking me through every single step,” Kristina said. 

Since it was the middle of 2020, COVID-19 made things more difficult when it came to giving birth and meeting the adoptive parents. But during that first meeting, Kristina knew they were the right couple.  

“I still remember the first day I met his parents. He started doing flips in my belly, and I knew that was where he belonged,” she remarked. 

But even though she had peace about adoption, Kristina still had a wide range of emotions to work through. This is where Emma, as a licensed professional counselor, helped. Emma and Kristina began meeting during her pregnancy to work through the roller coaster of feelings.  

Kristina remembers the sadness that came with growing a child but knowing after birth she would not raise him. She felt confusion because she had other children. People assume that birth mothers are making selfish decisions or do not love their child, when in fact, most birth moms are making selfless decisions out of love for their child by doing the best thing for them. 

“It was very scary. Probably one of the loneliest periods in my life that I can remember. But at the same time, I learned that two things can be true at the same time. You can be more scared than you've ever been, and also have a peace that surpasses all understanding,” Kristina said. 

When asked how she dealt with and still processes the grief and loss, Kristina remarked, “You have to feel your way through these things. You can't smoke your way out of it. You can't drink your way out of it. You have to feel it in order to heal it, and sitting with Jesus. This is how I got through it; I have spent hours and hours reading the Bible and going to seminars.” 

Now that a few years have passed, Kristina reflects on her relationship with the adoptive parents. She says it is a sweet friendship between the adoptive mom and herself. They text regularly, video chat, and send updates almost often.  

Kristina said, “I feel so blessed to be allowed to watch him grow. He knows who I am. There are pictures in his room of the last time we were together, when we watched videos of me reading to him in the hospital when he was 5 days old.”  

While open adoption can have a beautiful story, it often has a rocky start. Birth moms will go through a process of intense grieving and postpartum recovery, so as parents begin to form a relationship with the birth mother, they will have a learning curve on communication, personalities, conflicts, and more.  

But that is why Buckner International is committed to working with both the adoptive parents and the birth mother through counseling and mentoring. Buckner understands the importance of open adoption and how it benefits the child in the long run and why it’s worth pursuing.  

As Kristina says, “It's going to hurt, but it's not going to hurt forever. It does get better. Giving your child to somebody else to raise is the hardest thing to do. It's the hardest thing I ever thought I would do. But it's also been the most beautiful and the most joyful and bitter and happy and scary all rolled into one.” 

Watch the full interview here.  

Learn more about adoption or maternity counseling services.