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Having faith bigger than your fears

A devotion on trusting in God's presence

My faith was put to a serious test four and a half years ago when my then 15-year-old son was diagnosed with a rare neuroendocrine cancer that had already metastasized to his bones before we even knew it was there.

Our family is fortunate to have had very faithful family and friends surround us with support and prayer during those very dark days. I remember at one point telling a close friend I didn’t even know how to pray to God about everything we were experiencing.

I think I was afraid to question God with, “How could this happen to us?” – or all the many "What ifs?" because I didn’t want to hear the answers. I only wanted for my son to be OK.

At some point, I had to force myself to ask questions like, “What will happen if this treatment doesn’t work?” Or, “What if my son has to endure some of these scary potential complications that may result from this surgery?” Or the toughest question of all, “What if he doesn’t survive this?”

The answer I felt in my heart was the same with each terrifying question ... God will be with us. Whatever comes next, God will be with us. 

"I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears." – Psalm 34:4

This verse became a very special one to me then, and I keep it where I can still read it several times a day now.

Two years later, when I was diagnosed with a cancer myself, I knew I didn’t have to be afraid to question or to wonder, “What if?”

I had learned to keep my thoughts centered on trusting God would be with me and my family again – even if we had to endure terrible things. Keep just doing the very next step of working through the bad news or the hard struggle while trusting that whatever comes next, God will be with you and you'll get through it.

My faith is bigger than my fears. 

Written by Katrina Gray, director of process improvement and compliance for Buckner Retirement Services.

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